I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
