I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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