no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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