if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
