his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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