she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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