We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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