Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Watching her eat just hurts me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
