I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
