you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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