if i can run in heels then i can drive
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
