is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
