He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
