i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
