How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My feet surprised me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
