i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
