My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
