Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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