Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
