How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
