So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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