someone owes me an orgasm
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
