I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize