at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
