so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
