Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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