he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
