I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
