If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
