He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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