THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize