I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
