He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
