HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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