dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
