i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
