i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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