census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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