I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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