Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize