Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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