Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
