Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize