It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
