I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
