Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
