why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
