i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i think i have two assholes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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