Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
