Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
