I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
