so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
