Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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