I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
