that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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