I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
