Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
