I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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