i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
