Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
