So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
