he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
