true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
