Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
