Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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