this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
