I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
