tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
