Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
