Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
