I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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