i would punch a child for taco bell
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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