U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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