I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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