i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
