the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
