Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
