I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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