You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize