I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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