I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
