Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
