I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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