Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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