Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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