Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want nice things and good sex
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
