All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
