Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
