We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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