And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
