my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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