he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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