i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
