what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
