In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
