This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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