we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
