last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
