then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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