Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize