his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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