why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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