There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
