yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
