you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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