Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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